Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
