you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
