Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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