shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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