i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
