ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
