There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
