ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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