i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it because I queefed?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
