Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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