i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
