In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize