3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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