ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize