he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize