last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
