I wanna bring you to show and tell
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
