I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
