Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
