I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize