Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
