Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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