There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
