Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
