That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize