I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
