I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
