Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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