smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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