Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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