apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize