when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
