I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
MIDGETS
????
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
