Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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