New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is Oprah even human
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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