Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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