i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize