Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're like the curious george of whores
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
