The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
