I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
