oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
