what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
