Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
