He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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