Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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