I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
