I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
