if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
