Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
