go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
