So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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