Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
