and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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