he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
