When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
