Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
