Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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