Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
