I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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