Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
