My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
