who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
