This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
that may or may not have been my penis.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
