She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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