Banned from zoo.
Again?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
