You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
