(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
