It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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