If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
