Me too!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
