tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
