is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
