help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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